Startling Revelation

I write a lot about the relationship between me and my Mom; how she’s bipolar and she’s an addict. Also, my endless pursuit to “be a good daughter”.

I love my Mom and still trying to put that boundary up: the one where I still have my own life and separate my own emotions from hers. Example: if she’s using pills, it’s not my fault and I’m not responsible to “fix” her.

As a younger person, my Mom began drinking. She is a alcoholic and has gotten treatment on and off for several years. My Mom has abusing pills for a long time, too. When she had spine surgery years ago, she became addicted to pain meds pretty quickly. It’s hard for her, as that has been her coping mechanism for years.

I realized today due to this, in a lot of ways, she hasn’t mentally grown up. I think that’s why I’m so frustrated with the situation: I feel like I’m the parent and even my actions are that of one.

It makes me feel a little more at ease. To even say out loud “I’m not responsible to fix her” is like a pressure being released from my stomach. Also, a bit scary.