The past five days, I have been VERY sick. So sick, in fact, I tested myself for COVID twice. Thankfully that’s not the case-but these symptoms remind me of COVID.
- SO. TIRED. My Fitbit told me I slept 11 hours and 49 minutes asleep yesterday. I believe it.
- Thick and colored mucous.
- Dizzy-ears and head hurt terribly
- Asthma is making breathing a damn chore.
Today I feel the shackles of this illness lifting. Great thing, too-my body is sore from sleeping so damn much!
Last night, I dreamt of my brother.
To make a complex dream short-my Mom called our old house.
David, my brother, answered. “hey, sorry to wake you up, but…” my Mom’s face dropped-she forgot for a second he had died. He answered back, one word.
“Yeah”? he said. My Mom started yelling “MY BABY IS THERE”. We rushed to the house. The house was “haunted”-dolls were moving by themselves, wavelength of spirits weaving in and out of reality. I kept “feeling” him all around me.
The WORST part was chasing his essence around-yelling things like “David, did you see the tattoo I got for you? Whenever I play Resident Evil, I think of you. David, we love you and miss you SO MUCH”! and the dream faded…
What an absolute punch in the gut. Being sick makes everything wet and heavy-hard to walkthrough and a bitch to get stuck in.
I have to remind myself it’s completely normal to have these feelings and, unfortunately, being sick makes it worse. While there isn’t sunshine out today, I know there will be this weekend.
That’s what hope is, after all: knowing the sunshine will wash over you once again.
The Phoenix & Grieving 