I’m a chronic people pleaser. Especially when it comes to my parents.
Knowing I am one and still being a people pleaser to my parents are two different things.
This past week and a half has been hell. My Mom is abusing her pills and she’s in a massive amount of pain. When she gets like this, she is mean spirited and falls all around the place shaking. The worst part is my dad has myasthenia gravis and he feels helpless. He texts and calls me because he doesn’t know what to do. He said he can’t talk to my grandpa (his Dad). I feel responsible for their pain, especially since my Dad has this disease.
When I was able to get to my Mom this past weekend, she said she’s freaked out of my Dad’s illness, her pain and feels like there’s no hope. I begged her to go to the hospital. She said there was no hope and life is terrible. After I spoke with her, she seemed to calm down.
I called them a few days ago and my Mom was slurring, but said she’s just in pain. I asked her if she has any more pain pills. She said no. I told her go to the hospital and she thought I meant go to the hospital for her mental illness and immediately became defensive.
It’s always been like this for me. I want to scream PLEASE LET ME LIVE A HAPPY LIFE! It’s been my main hindrance in my life all on fronts.
When this happens, I shut down.
I keep thinking “if no one else does it, who will”? Who will care about my parents?Me, every time this happens
Any thought I had about myself and my well being, GONE. Any thought about eating better willfully, GONE. Any idea about me finding a smidgen of happiness…
You guessed it. GONE.
Looking at this from a 3rd person perspective, I know the answer: THEY will. THEY will sink of swim. I am NOT their parents.