Crankiness & Feelings

Last Monday was one year since my brother passed. Not a bad day

In true Allison fashion, however, I was mentally a wreck the rest of the week. My thoughts were jumbled. I couldn’t even clean! The thought of going to the gym killed me. While I was driving around with my boyfriend, I felt myself go into a full-blown panic. I remember standing in Michael’s and staring at some drawing supplies and thinking why am I feeling this way? Did something happen? Did I look at something and had a passing thought about my brother? Frozen in time. That’s exactly how I felt.

I felt this way for over an hour. Afterwards, I was agitated. REALLY agitated. I was genuinely cranky. A few days later and I’m still easily agitated.

Trying to calm down-breathe, relax. I know now this past year, I’ve been way too focused on my parents’ feelings about this whole shit show and not feeling my own.

Shit.