Tomorrow is the anniversary of me seeing my brother alive for the last time. This is also true for his best friend.
When I say the fact he’s gone out loud or even say it in my mind, I feel a sudden drop inside of me. Like I’m being disemboweled from the inside instead of out. I tense up. It’s worse than what it was in the beginning.
The only good news is that while it’s fucking horrifying, it also lasts way less longer. It comes in waves. More importantly: This feeling won’t last forever.
This day tomorrow, Labor Day. It’s putting me into some type of tailspin. It’s like a crushing reminder my brother is no longer alive and life as I know it is bat-shit crazy. Like that isn’t a part of my life now: knowing he isn’t alive and I can’t talk or call him.
I’ll feel a lot better when it’s this time tomorrow and I say to myself “hey, that wasn’t so bad“.